Thursday, May 03, 2012

How to Get a Guy to Like You

via How to of the Day on 4/17/12

Do you want a guy to be crazy about you, the way you are about him? While you can't make someone feel a certain way, you can definitely put your best foot forward and give his feelings a chance to develop. Here are some helpful hints on how to charm a guy, while still being true to yourself.

Steps

  1. Like yourself. You've got to show this person how awesome you are, but first you need to know how awesome you are. Build up your self confidence if it's sorely lacking. Now, this doesn't mean you have to be loud, boisterous, arrogant, chatty, or forward. It just means getting to a place where you feel comfortable in your own skin. You can be secure, sweet and humble all at the same time. Guys like confident, interesting girls who lead their own lives. The only guys who like insecure girls are the ones who are insecure themselves and want to dominate or control another human being. And who wants to be with a guy who wants a girl to feel bad about herself or who wants to tell you how to be all the time? That's not healthy, and you deserve much better.

  2. Make it clear you're available. Wearing a "single bracelet" will do the trick and they're stylish. He's not going to hit on you if he thinks you're taken. If you have a Facebook account, make sure your status is set as single. If you don't want to wear the bracelet or he doesn't see your Facebook, make it obvious in other subtle ways, such as hanging out with your girlfriends a lot, dropping subtle hints about not knowing who to go with to an event, etc.

    • Never get someone else to ask a guy out for you. However, you might judge it helpful to talk to a totally trusted friend to let her know how much she can let on in his presence as to your availability, without sounding obvious. However, see "Warnings" below about telling your friends about your love interest.
  3. Get his attention. He can't fancy you if he doesn't know you exist. If you haven't caught his eye yet, then get him to notice you. Make sure you show a little interest and drop small hints that you like him. Most guys won't ask you out because they're afraid of getting shot down. You've got to walk before you run, right? Say "Hi". Say "Good-bye". Wave. When he reciprocates, is when you know he notices you. Introduce yourself somehow and make conversation. Take an interest in who he is––what he likes, where he's coming from, where he wants to go––and show him who you are, too. While some guys don't like to talk that much, it's nearly impossible for someone to like you if he doesn't get to know you, unless he "likes" you for all the wrong reasons.

  4. Crack a joke. Having a good sense of humor makes everything better. That doesn't mean you should be a giggling fool, laughing at everything that crosses your path. Express your sense of humor in your own way. Some people are witty and sarcastic, others can tell hilarious stories, and many people just do quirky things and poke fun at themselves. No matter what tickles your sense of humor, it's much easier to like someone who you can have a good laugh with once in a while. If you don't find something to laugh about together, then maybe you'll discover that you don't like him after all!

  5. Don't be afraid to be his friend. Being his friend first gives you two great benefits: he gets to know you and you get to know him, without the awkwardness of being in a dedicated relationship. Treat him like you would all your other friends. Just be careful though––if it gets too platonic, you might lose the romantic connection and sometimes it can be really hard to get back that spark once you are seen as the trusted, ever-reliable friend.

  6. Do things together. If he loves rock-climbing, ask him if he can show you how, and make a good-faith effort to see why he's so into it. Have an open mind. Find out what you have in common, and include him into your world. If you love a certain kind of music, ask him if he's ever listened to a particular artist and offer to play a CD for him. Finding activities that you can enjoy together can really lay down a bond and further his appreciation of you.

  7. Have patience. These things take time. You can't force someone to like you, and trying to hurry things up can ruin the courtship altogether. Give him some space and don't be obsessive. Let things progress at a natural pace, or fade out of natural causes. Eventually he'll tell you one way or another whether or not he's interested in reciprocating your affection. And if he's not, don't hang around him like a lost puppy. Sometimes you might be incompatible in ways that you don't see, and sometimes a guy just isn't ready for a long term relationship. Don't take rejection too personally. It happens to all of us at one time or another. Not everyone in the world is going to like you. Move on! There are other fish in the sea and if you followed the first step, you know that you're a good catch, for the right guy.

  8. Finally, but importantly, keep in mind that you cannot control what other people think and do. He may be the object of your interest, but that does not create any obligation that you be an intimate part of his world. Turn the situation around. If there were some random guy who took an interest in you, is there anything that he could do to make you like him? Probably not. The reality is that you will either like him that way, or you won't. You will find him attractive or not. You will find him funny or not. All he can do is try to be the best person he can be, and hope that you agree. The reverse is also true. Be the best person you can be, and let it develop––or not––from there.

Video

Tips

  • Be an all-around great person. If you focus on being an all-together, motivated, kind, and humorous individual, how can anyone resist? Some guys might be intimidated, and they're too insecure to be worth your interest anyway. But it's only a matter of time before a guy who can like you for who you really are will come around and see that you're an awesome person to be around.
  • Be aware that some guys take longer to grow up than others (the "Peter Pan" syndrome). In this case, you're better off not waiting around but looking for a guy who has already made the decision to grow up. You don't want to become someone's stand-in mom.
  • Some people prefer being friends first. Others prefer to avoid the "just a friend" zone. Ideally, you can be a little bit of both––a friend and a romantic interest.
  • Don't talk about your other prospective guys with the guy you're interested in. While you might think it's a way of showing just how "in demand" you are, it's suggestive that you're shallow and easily misled, not something that any person looking for a long-term relationship would feel sound about. Frankly, it's just not good form, and it's a good way to get rid of him.
  • If there is no sign of him being interested in you, that doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't interested. He could just be shy, or be a little frightened, especially if he hasn't dated anyone for a long time. Be patient but don't badger him; simply let him know the door's still open if he should be bold enough to call by.
  • Never forget to smile! It's an age old, safe way to extend an invitation to a guy to socialize. Plus it's totally free and increases your face's real estate value instantly!

Warnings

  • Don't play mind games or send mixed signals. This confuses the guy and has tons of potential for embarrassment. It's not a sign of cleverness––it's a sign of insecurity and lack of courage.
  • If your friends aren't the most mature, do not tell them about him. They will immediately start staring at him and giggling in his presence. They may even start chatting and so on. No matter what you say to them, they will look at him. The worst case scenario is when your friends go off on their own and start pestering the guy with a whole lot of questions that all sound a lot like 'What do you think of Jessica?'. This will send him packing.
  • If you have told your friends about him and they pester after him with questions, tell them firmly they need to stop and if they don't even try to ignore them when they bring him up in conversation. When it comes to him, just play it off as your friends being immature and you being more mature than that. He'll like seeing that you aren't acting like a ten year-old, just like your friends are.
  • Trying too hard to "get" a specific person to like you can be manipulative, something that no one finds attractive or wants to be the object of.
  • If these steps work a little too well and he comes on too strong, let him know to take it easy and don't do anything you feel uncomfortable with.
  • Don't confuse kindness with him liking you. Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference, but be attentive and you'll figure it out.
  • If he is dating someone else, he is completely off limits. Respect him by not tempting him to get involved with someone else. If you do succumb to luring him away, be aware that if he has done it for you, he can easily do it for someone else later too.
  • Don't just burst out saying you like him, or he might not take you seriously. Take some time, get to know him properly first.
  • Try not to make it to obvious, meaning don't bring up to many things about yourself in conversation. While you're talking, don't be shy enough to ask him a few questions. Be careful what you say to him, as saying the wrong thing may lead to a very awkward moment.

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