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Ever been talking to a guy and noticed his eyes seem glued on your chest instead of your face? Yeah, it's annoying and unfortunately, some guys are rude or thoughtless enough to persist in doing it, so here's how to stop it.
via How to of the Day on 1/5/12
Edit Steps
- Be direct. Say something funny or loose like "My eyes are up here" or "My face is this way"; or, perhaps something clearer, such as "Please keep your eyes on mine while we're talking" or "I prefer that you look me in the eyes when we're talking." Sometimes a loud and pointed "ahem?" like a school ma'am will do the trick. Saying lines such as these will get the guy's attention and tells him that you want him to stop without sending mixed messages. Be careful not to seem rude or angry, just tell him to stop, then smile indulgently or continue being professional. The idea is to put across that it's not a big deal provided he stops.
- It's also okay to say that you don't like him talking to your chest. This isn't as lighthearted but it's direct and says what you mean. You can also soften a direct approach by saying something along the lines of "I'm sure you don't realize that staring at my breasts makes me feel uncomfortable in your presence but it feels as if you're looking at my body and not my eyes when we talk. I'd really prefer it if we maintained eye contact in future."
- If you're the cheeky type and happy to get away with it, look down and say "What? Is there something on my shirt?" Really cheeky is something like: "What? Are my bra straps showing?"
- A more pointed direct approach is to say something like: "I'm sorry, is this a bad time? You seem distracted."
- Use body language. If you're too nervous to be so direct, or you have been direct but there is slippage in his memory nodes, then there are a few little things you can do to still draw his attention back to your face. Body language is incredibly strong as well as being subtle, and using it is a great way to tell him what you want.
- Use your hands. While you're talking, use your hands to help express a point. Make sure your hands block his vision for a second and then at least cross your face a little. His eyes should follow your hands and lift up to your eyes. Continue using them on occasion to draw his eyes away from your chest and to your eyes again.
- Pointedly cross your arms over your chest. Cover them up. Not much to stare at once the arms are in the way. Or bring something up to hold in front of your chest, such as files or a bag.
- Mess with your clothes. Pull your shirt down a little but not enough so that it looks provocative. The movement of your clothes should pull his look back towards your face.
- Move your whole body. Take a half step to the side while you're talking. When your chest moves with the rest of your body it'll force him to move his eyes as well, this one is not as trustworthy as the other methods but it may still work. You should be careful not to step forward, as this will only cause him to do it more as your chest looms larger, and don't step backwards, or he'll think you're trying to get away.
- Use interrupted speech. Stop talking for a few seconds. Just long enough that he notices you've stopped, but not enough that it seems like something has happened. If you wait too long, you'll risk appearing weird. Just pause long enough that he notices you've stopped and looks up to see why without it feeling awkward. The moment he looks, say something like "Ah, I see I finally have your real attention." And smile to break the ice. A well-mannered man will realize quickly the error of his ways and do his best not to look again. And if he's ill-mannered, well that means it's time to end the conversation anyway.
- Set some clear boundaries in your own mind. Should you heed the cliched advice to cover up if you don't like being stared at? In a nutshell, unless it's a social faux pas to be showing cleavage (such as at a funeral or in certain professional settings) or you don't enjoy showing cleavage, then no. Insisting that you dress modestly while men be let off the hook to stare at your breasts endlessly is Stone Age thinking. Instead, accept that if you're wearing a push-up bra that enhances your cleavage or low cut tops, then the end result is going to be one which draws guys to look. The important point is to recognize the difference between the admiring look and the lingering leer; the former is brief and harmless and then your face becomes the target of conversation, while the latter is lascivious and disrespectful, and fails to take your face into account. So, any call to change what you're wearing is aimed at the wrong person and not at the lecherous perpetrator. Ultimately, it's better to be assertive than to hide inside clothes you can't abide, thereby continuing to establish through your manner of communicating that it's okay for you to be noticed as beautiful but that it's not okay to be objectified through a guy leering or acting like a pervert. With this distinction in mind, clear boundaries are:
- Guys are going to look, briefly. In fact, some women will look too. Accept that people can look admiringly, but not stare or leer.
- Looking briefly is fine. Touching is never fine.
- Revealing clothing is a choice to make the most of your looks; it is not an invitation to anyone else to behave like a pervert.
- It's okay to correct a guy for wandering eyeballs. You are entitled to point out your discomfort and to receive respect.
Edit Tips
- No matter what you do, the only way to make sure he gets the point is to be direct. It might be awkward, but its still the best way.
- Remind the guy that eye contact is a sign of manners or good breeding. That might bring him to his senses.
- If it's not a guy you even want to be talking to, then where his eyes are resting is proof that he isn't a great guy. Just walk away or find a friend to give you an excuse to leave.
- If you find that anyone checking out your breasts causes you intense discomfort, there may be underlying psychological issues you need to talk through with a trusted friend or even a professional. For example, it is not uncommon for women who have experienced child abuse to feel afraid of anyone showing sexually-inclined admiration for their appearance and will deliberately wear baggy clothing as a way of hiding and protecting themselves.[1] If you experienced some form of trauma leading you to feel this way, seek professional therapy to help overcome your fears. Even without experiences of abuse, growing up feeling in any way that you have been objectified can cause you to be hyper-sensitive about men's intentions when they stare at your breasts, perhaps spotting lewd overtures where there were none intended. Overcoming any dislike of having your breasts looked at is important for feeling comfortable with your body being under the gaze of others, and can help you to distinguish between the admiring glance and the lingering leer aforementioned.
- An anonymous note can sometimes work if you've got a chest-starer in the office. Simply state something like: "Many of the women in the office have noticed that you talk to their breasts and not their faces. It's something you might want to consider stopping." It might just be enough to make the guy realize that he's been caught out and has to lift his manners right up.
Edit Warnings
- When moving your whole body, make sure you're not in a place where it would be awkward. Try not to walk into other people, fall down stairs or knock over something. Then his eyes will not only be off your chest but also off your whole body.
- Be observant. Men can absentmindedly let their eyes wander to your chest region because… it's natural. The problem is when it continues unabated during a conversation whereas the casual admiring glance is something to learn to accept as nature's reality.
- Be alert to the man who disrespects you by letting his eyes wander to your chest when he switches off listening to you, possibly due to a short attention span. In which case, it's time to decide whether it's even worth being in this guy's presence or if you need to call him out for his general lack of respect for you.
- Some older men think they have a right to stare, either that or they think they're past the age of being pulled up for it. Just shout louder to get your message heard. You might also inform their wife that their husband seems to have wandering eyeballs and ask her how she gets him to stop staring at her breasts. You might learn something but even if you don't, he won't be caught staring at your breasts again.
- Wear clothing appropriate to the occasion. No matter how content you feel with your appearance, wearing low cut tops to a business meeting or a funeral is simply bad manners.
- If a coworker, boss or someone else in a professional/workplace environment keeps staring at your chest, raise it politely (and preferably in private) and ask for it to cease––in particular, point out how this could impact his career negatively if legal ramifications arise as a result of it. If this doesn't work, seek advice from your superior or human resources because this might be an issue of workplace harassment. If this causes you discomfort, ask other female colleagues discreetly if they've noticed anything first, to back up your concern.
- Avoid saying anything potentially inflammatory approach such as: "Keep looking mate, I could do with the settlement money." While it may feel satisfying at the time, it could also be conceived of as a threat, which will stand badly against you.
Edit Related wikiHows
- How to Improve Your Appeal Instantly (Guys and Girls)
- How to Avoid Curious Stares
- How to React if a Guy Starts Playing With Himself in Public
- How to Deal With Rude People
- How to Make Large Breasts Look Smaller
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